Vol. 11 · pages 56–60

37 FROM BIRTH TO PARIVRAJA I ascetic forest, covered with the shoots of rough Kusa grass ? 20. “How could I, O Prince, by mine own will, — knowing this thy decision,—carry back the horse to the sorrow of Kapilavatsu ? 21. “Surely thou will not abandon that fond old king, so devoted to his son, as a heretic might the true religion ? 22. “And her, thy second mother, worn with the care of bringing thee up,—thou will not surely forget her, as an ingrate does a benefit ? 23. “Thou wilt not surely abandon thy wife endowed with all virtues, illustrious for her family, devoted to her husband and with a young son. 24. “Thou wilt not abandon the young son of Yeshodhara, worthy of all praise, thou the best of the cherishers of religion and fame, as a dissolute spend thrift his choicest glory ? 25. “Or even if thy mind be resolved to abandon thy kindred and thy kingdom, thou will not, O Master, abandon me,—thy feet are my only refuge. 26. “I cannot go to the city with my soul thus burning, leaving thee behind in the forest. 27. “What will the king say to me, returning to the city without thee, or what shall I say to thy wife by way of telling them good news ? 28. “As for what thou sayest, ‘ thou must repeat my unworthiness to the king ’ who could think or believe it ?” continued Channa. “Even if I ventured to speak it with a heart ashamed and a tongue cleaving to my mouth, he may not appreciate it. 29. “Him who is always compassionate and who never fails to feel pity, it ill befits to abandon one who loves ; turn back and have mercy on me.” 30. Having heard these words of Channa over come with sorrow, Siddharth Gautama with the utmost gentleness answered : 31. “Abandon this distress Channa, regarding thy separation from me,—change is inevitable in corporeal beings who are subject to different births. 32. “Even if I through affection were not to

38 DR. BABASAHEB AMBEDKAR : WRITINGS AND SPEECHES I abandon my kindred, death would still make us help lessly abandon one another. 33. “She, my mother, by whom I was born in the womb with great thirst and pains,—where am I now with regard to her, and where is she with regard to me? 34. “As birds go to their roosting-tree and then depart, so the meeting of beings inevitably ends in separation. 35. “As clouds, having come together, depart asunder again, such I consider the meeting and parting of living things. 36. “And since this world goes away, each one deceiving the other,—it is not right to think any thing thine own in a time of union which is a dread. 37. “Therefore, since it is so, grieve not, my good friend, but go ; or if thy love lingers, then go and afterwards return. 38. “Say without reproaching me, to the people of Kapilavatsu, ‘Let your love for him be given up, and hear his resolve.’ ” 39. Having heard this conversation between the master and the servant, Kanthaka, the noblest steed, licked his feet with his tongue and dropped hot tears. 40. With his hand whose fingers were untied with a membrane and which was marked with the auspicious svastika, and with its middle part curved, Gautama stroked him and addressed him like a friend: 41. “Shed not tears, Kanthaka, bear with it, thy labours will soon have its fruit.” 42. Then Channa, knowing that the time for the parting of the ways had come, forthwith paid honour to the sylvan dress of Gautama. 43. Then Gautama, having bidden good-bye to Kanthaka and Channa, went on his way. 44. While his master, thus regardless of his kingdom, was going to the ascetic-wood in mean garments, the groom, tossing up his arms, wailed bitterly and fell on the ground. 45. Having looked back again he wept aloud, and embraced the horse Kanthaka with his arms;

39 FROM BIRTH TO PARIVRAJA I and then, hopeless and repeatedly lamenting, started on his return journey. 46. On the way, sometimes he pondered, some times he lamented, sometimes he stumbled and some times he fell, and so going along, wretched through his devoted attachment, he performed all kinds of actions on the road knowing not what he was doing. §20. The Return of Channa 1. Then Channa in deep distress, when his master thus went into the forest, made every effort on the road to dissolve his load of sorrow. 2. His heart was so heavy that the road which he used to traverse in one night with Kanthaka, that same road he now took eight days to travel, pondering over his lord’s absence. 3. The horse Kanthaka, though he still went on bravely, fagged and had lost all spirit ; and decked though he was with ornaments, he in the absence of his master seemed to have lost all his beauty. 4. And turning round towards the direction in which his master went, he neighed repeatedly with a mournful sound ; and though pressed with hunger, he welcomed not, nor tasted any grass or water on the road, as before. 5. Slowly the two at long last reached Kapilavatsu which seemed empty when deserted by Gautama. They reached the city in body but not in soul. 6. Bright as it was with lotus-covered waters, adorned with trees full of flowers, the citizens had lost all their gladness. 7. When the two, their brightness gone and their eyes dim with tears, slowly entered the city, it seemed all bathed in gloom. 8. Having heard that they had returned with their limbs all relaxed, coming back without the pride of the Sakya race, the men of the city shed tears. 9. Full of wrath, the people followed Channa in the road, crying behind him with tears, “Where is the king’s son, the glory of his race and his kingdom ?”

40 DR. BABASAHEB AMBEDKAR : WRITINGS AND SPEECHES I 10. “This city bereft of him is a forest, and that forest which possesses him is a city ; the city without him has no charms for us.” 11. Next the women crowded to the rows of windows, crying to one another, “The prince has returned” ; but having seen that his horse had an empty back, they closed the windows again and wailed aloud. § 21. The Family in Mourning 1. The members of the family of Suddhodana were anxiously awaiting the return of Channa in the hope that he might persuade Gautama to return home. 2. On entering the royal stable, Kanthaka uttered a loud sound, uttering his woe to the palace people. 3. Then the people, who were in the neighbourhood of the king’s inner apartments, thought in their hearts, “Since the horse Kanthaka neighs, it must be that the prince has come.” 4. And the women, who were fainting with sorrow, now in wild joy, with their eyes rolling to see the prince, rushed out of the palace full of hope. But they were disappointed. There was Kanthaka without the prince. 5. Gautami, abandoning all self-control, cried aloud— she fainted, and with a weeping face exclaimed: 6. “With his long arms and lion gait, his bull like eye, and his beauty, bright like gold, his broad chest, and his voice deep as a drum or a cloud,—should such a hero as this dwell in a hermitage ? 7. “This earth is indeed unworthy as regards that peerless doer of noble actions, for such a virtuous hero has gone away from us. 8. “Those two feet of his, tender with their beautiful web spread between the toes, with their ankles, concealed and soft like a blue lotus,—how can they, bearing a wheel mark in the middle, walk on the hard ground of the skirts of the forest ? 9. “That body, which deserves to sit or lie on the roof of a palace, honoured with costly garments,

41 FROM BIRTH TO PARIVRAJA I aloes, and sandalwood, how will that manly body live in the woods, exposed to the attacks of the cold, the heat, and the rain? 10. “He who was proud of his family, goodness, strength, energy, sacred learning, beauty, and youth, who was ever ready to give, not ask, how will he go about begging alms from others ? 11. “He who, lying on a spotless golden bed, was awakened during the night by the concert of musical instruments, how alas ! will he, my ascetic, sleep today on the bare ground with only one rag of cloth interposed ?” 12. Having heard this piteous lamentation, the women, embracing one another with their arms, rained tears from their eyes, as the shaken creepers drop honey from their flowers. 13. Then Yeshodhara, forgetting that she had permitted him to go, fell upon the ground in utter bewilderment. 14. “How has he abandoned me his lawful wife ? He has left me widowed. He could have allowed his lawful wife to share his new life with him. 15. “I have no longing for the heaven, my one desire was that my beloved may never leave me either in this world or the next. 16. “Even if I am unworthy to look on my husband’s face with its long eyes and bright smile, still is this poor Rahula never to roll about in his father’s lap ? 17. “Alas ! the mind of that wise hero is terribly stern, gentle as his beauty seems, it is pitilessly cruel. Who can desert of his own accord such an infant son with his inarticulate talk, one who would charm even an enemy ? 18. “My heart too is certainly most stern, yea, made of rock or fashioned even of iron, which does not break when its lord is gone to the forest, deserted by his royal glory like an orphan,—he so well worthy of happiness. But what can I do ? My grief is too heavy for me to bear.” 19. So fainting in her woe, Yeshodhara wept